Sorry, I must be bipolar

So my last blog I complained about the hell that is RFM and how Bump is a demon, and should have his name changed to Beelze-Bump (haha).

And yet today I feel myself feeling like he doesn't respect us enough to AT LEAST give us the same post Thanksgiving workout as posted on the Hardass Fitness website. Check this out:

600 meter run
40 squats
30 sit ups
20 push ups
10 pull ups
600 meter run
10 pull ups
20 push ups
30 sit ups
40 squats
600 m run
40 squats
30 sit ups
20 push ups
10 pull ups
600 m run
10 pull ups
20 push ups
30 sit ups
40 squats
600 m run

They ran the 600 m FIVE times. Are they crazy? Sadistic? Masochistic?

The sane part of me realizes that we should all be THANKFUL that we did not receive this workout.

And then the abused RFMer in me wants to know why we didn't push it as far as Hardass Fitness did. I saw those people here, our people workout as hard as their people. If anything they do more cardio and we do more lifting.

We can handle that, right? Where the heck is the 600 meter mark around our gym anyway? 

Some things just don't go well together

You know what I mean right? There's stuff out there that people just shouldn't mix, and if they do they get into trouble.

Stuff like oil and water. Drinking and driving. Laxatives and sleeping pills.

Well you can add thrusters and burpees to that list. I've said it before and I'll say it again.

Individually they suck. Together they are more powerfully sucky than you can imagine.

Today we had to do 50 thrusters. No time limit but for every minute that went by you had to do 5 burpees.

So unless you did a thruster a second for 50 seconds you were going to do AT LEAST five burpees.

But see, that's the trap. Once you do burpees it eats into your energy for thrusters. Then it takes longer for you to do less thrusters which means you end up doing more burpees because the minutes are getting shorter.

I imagine hell  to be like this, where time stretches out and the pain increases into infinity.

Fortunately Bump allows me to scale. Satan wouldn't let me do that probably which might be the only difference between the two of them.

Think about it, both of them think of devious ways to destroy you. They both instruct their lieutenants (coaches) to inflict more suffering upon you and they both laugh when you're in pain.

Something to think about. On Monday's WOD I'm bringing some holy water from church and sprinkling some on Bump just to see if it sizzles. I believe it might.

Okay, back to the workout. Did I mention that prior to the WOD we had like a mini-strength WOD?
Ten turkish get-ups on each side, then walk 200 meters for the farmer's carry and 200 for the waiter's carry.

This was also painful and my forearms throb as I type right now. I have a feeling by tomorrow they will be immobile. I know this because after the workout I stopped at Whole Foods to get a pizza (a healthy pizza with pepperoni, spinach and mushrooms) and had a hard time carrying the pizza out.

Between today's workout and yesterday we all took a beating. Yesterday we did 10 hand-stand pushups, 20 pull-ups, 30 box jumps, 40 kettlebell swings, 50 sit-ups and the 400 meter run. Then when you got back you did everything again, except in reverse, starting with the 50 sit-ups.

It was so bad that Derek said he wasn't coming back on Tuesday and he wasn't joking. I'm not sure why I did. I'm in that cycle of abuse, I just can't break it. It's like battered wife syndrome.

Yeah I know, so far in one blog posting I've compared Bump to Satan and Ike Turner. I can't help it, I'm mentally fatigued and I'm blog rambling.

All I know is my shower tonight is going to feel great. Take care, it's time to pass out in the bathroom.

Later,

Rod

My Mental Prep Routine

Just read the RFM post about the "Mental Approach to Crossfit." Not bad.

My personal approach is as follows, here's the Pre-workout first:

- Look at the WOD board to see if it changed since I saw it online last night.
- Look at the times/weights/reps that people in the earlier classes did before me and either laugh or cry
- Curse and swear at myself for not sticking to my Paleo diet

Warm-up

- Mentally scream "I hate stretching" to myself so I can block out the physical pain
- Think positive, "No long distance bear crawls please, YES!!!"
- Sniff myself to see if I brought fresh workout clothes.

Strength Workout

- Set goals. Lift more than Marcus, lift at least half as much as Ikaika, make sure Kehau doesn't work out with me otherwise she will lift as much or more weight.

WOD

- Try to think some strategy. Should I go all out, conserve my strength during certain movements, trip Derek, etc?
- Tell Kehau to change that damn music.
- Position myself behind another person so that Bumper cannot see my lack of form.

Post - WOD

- lie down
- drool
- steal someone's water
- try to scare the 6 p.m. class as much as possible on the way out.

Gary and Ikaika hit some milestones today

So this week I'm house sitting for my cousin who lives like two minutes from the gym, or the "box" as Erin likes to call it. Might have to steal that one from you Erin. Anyway, today I was totally into the Duke/Kansas game and sorta lost track of time.

Then Kehau texted me and called me a slacker and I noticed that it was 5 p.m. already. Oops.

But I remembered, hey, I'm not going back to Paia, I can just cruise and go to the 6 p.m. Which I never do.

So first thing I get there and Ikaika is there already and talking about not feeling it for the deadlifts tonight. I can relate.

Remember that last post about fear? Well you don't have to be injured to experience it. You can come close. Last time I tried for a personal best for deadlifts I stalled at 360. I wasn't feeling even close to that tonight.

Anyway Ikaika, Marcus and I jump on one bar after Oran proceeds to point out all the bad habits of those damn 5 o'clockers. Ha, for once I knew he wasn't talking about me because I wasn't there! But Oran is the man when it comes to technique and I took heed. Bar over the shoelaces, fully engaged back, got it.

So we warm up with 135 and then Ikaika says let's jump up to 225 which was okay. Then he went 315 and I was kinda like, okaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy. Marcus didn't flinch though so I just shut up and grabbed the bar. Damn thing almost slipped out of my hand. But I cranked out a rep or two.

Then he hit 405 and I was like crap, no way. I chalked up and bent over and tried it. Nope. Not even an inch off the ground. I was happy to say Marcus couldn't do it either. I was like, "YES". Hey, what can I say? Misery loves company.

Ikaika does it of course then throws on 430. Son of a bitch. He did it and it was scary. I thought his spine was going to snap. Kudos brah, that looked kinda nuts.

So now me and Marcus have to find our one rep max. I figure screw it, try 365 so I have the chance to break my own personal best at least.

I go first and damn, about half way up it felt like I was entering another dimension. Seriously. My vision started blurring on the sides and I heard the Twilight Zone theme music start playing. But I went up with the weight and stood up straight. Back and shoulder muscles engaged and legs trembling.

I told Marcus about the other dimensional feeling and he laughed. After he did his rep he looked at me and pointed and said, "I know EXACTLY what you're talking about." Yeah dude, it's sort of like you're high. Not that I know anything about that sort of thing, I was *ahem* just agreeing with Marcus.

Then there was the WOD, 15 dumbbell hang cleans, 40 double unders, 10 hc's, 40 du's, 5 hc's, 40 du's. For time of course.

I was going to grab the 40 pound dumbbells but damn it, someone took all of them so I had to grab the 35's. Seriously though, if I had known Kehau was going to do 35's I would have done 40's. Curses, she's foiled me again! (Twirl the moustache)

Also I finally think I've found out the secret of double unders. It's called, "jumping." Yes indeedy, it appears I've been extremely lazy and not wanting to jump high enough so that I have enough time to allow the rope to go under me twice. It just seems like a lot of energy wasted. As a result of that realization and Lori's awesome jump rope I had a good time (for me) although I forgot what it was. A little more than 6 minutes I think.

And then at the end of the night as I was going home, Gary tells me, "Hey Rod, I just made one year today." What? That's huge! Gary made one year at RFM!!! We should be putting his picture on the website! I asked him why he didn't say anything and he tells me, "I just did" and then smiled.

Typical Gary. Good job man and happy 1 year anniversary.

And Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. I'm thankful for my friends at RFM and the little family we have in and out of the gym. Take care everybody. Tomorrow I call my son, eat and watch football. In that order.

Peace!

Rod

What kind of RFMer are you?

So someone was mentioning that there was a Crossfit gym website that posted some funny videos. I checked it out and yes indeed, Crossfit Oahu has some funny stuff.

They've compiled some videos of some stereotypical Crossfitters, the talker, the guy who posts fake times, the sloppy technique guy, Mr. Sweats a lot, etc.

Amusing, yes indeedy. But somewhat generic. Plus some of that stuff doesn't happen at RFM. C'mon, time cheaters? Everyone is proud of their time, even though it may suck.

Chalk whores? Nah. Kehau is the closest thing we have but she actually suffers from chalk hatred, made obvious by the 12 times that she's kicked over the chalk bucket in frustration and anger.

No, here at RFM, we are nothing if not unique. And we have some originals here who defy the stereotypes.

They include:

Stiff Necked Fools - You know who you are. We have trouble doing power cleans because our wrists hurt when we bend them, our backs give out before our muscles do and squatting all the way down is just a pipe dream. Oh yes, foam rollers are not our friends.

Wait to see the Weight - Those of us who lie in wait, to see which weights our friends will use for the WOD, and then go 2 and a half pounds more, just to say we lifted more than they did. Sometimes we go 2 and a half pounds less just so we can have more reps.

Restroom Tyrants - It's 5:59 p.m. and the 6 p.m. class is waiting for us, yet you feel the need to use the bathroom seven times before you start the WOD. It's not just Lori by the way.

Music Miscreants - You ask me to do 5 rounds of deadlifts, thrusters and burpees while you play Enya. Please go to hell and take your iPhone with you.

Female Furies - This I think is found only at RFM. Lori pushes you around and mocks you for doing less weight than she does, Kehau pretends to give you friendly advice about your form and then whispers to Bumper "This is why he sucks", Carol scares the crap out of you with her Marine Corps Drill Sgt. screams and Kristi sends intimidating sonic booms whenever she stomps her feet while powerlifting. Then every once in a while they give me a foam roller so they can laugh their asses off. Very funny mofos.

The Cheerleaders - They're always yelling "good job" as they pass you by on the 400 meter run when what they really mean is "Good job falling behind. Fag." I know what you're thinking. I see it in your eyes.

See, this list is much more honest. Give me a video camera, I'll start our own video series.

By the way, shuttle runs, sit-ups and Superman's made up Tuesday's workout. No squats. That's all I have to say, which means I had a good day and won't have to crawl out of bed tomorrow.

And with that, I say peace everybody,

Rod

Some real progress

I think everyone here knows Erin's story, but I'll post it again here for my two non-RFM blog readers just in case.

Erin joined RFM earlier this year while we were still at the old gym location on Mill Street. I had hardly gotten to know her when she was gone. Turns out she fell and broke her collarbone while doing the warm up lap one evening.

Ouch. When I heard the news I thought, "Oh well, guess we'll never see her again."

Wrong. As soon as she was healed up she came back like nothing happened. Now I don't know about you but a broken collarbone is nothing to laugh at. NFL football players are out for a whole season because of broken collarbones. Erin's got some sort of mutant healing factor or something.

Anyway the reason why I'm bringing up her story now is because I saw on her Facebook page last night that she did a handstand push-up for the first time since the accident. That's huge. Big props.

(NOTE: Erin told me later that she actually did a HANDSTAND, not a handstand push-up. It's still a great accomplishment though.)

See I've been injured, and after you're injured you start to favor that injured part of your body like it's your child. You don't want it getting hurt again and there's psychological barriers sometimes even after the physical scars heal.

Like I was scared for a long time to ever bench again after tearing my pectoral. And like how I didn't body board for a whole year after smashing my face into the reef. And like how I was freaked out the first time someone went for my face during sparring after a black belt elbowed my nose and broke it so badly it was a roughly 90 degree angle from it's original position.

But I digress. Needless to say I know about the fear, and if Erin broke her collarbone then she's probably had some fear about any sort of shoulder movement. It just comes with the territory.

So kudos to her and everyone else that works through their fear. It's not like how I bitch about sore muscles, a stiff back or exhausted legs. The fear is a more serious problem, at least I think it is. Like I don't ever know if I'll even want to try 275 ever again, which was the weight that I tore my pec with so long ago.

But maybe I will. Because before RFM I never even thought that I would bench again. It's funny, Bump was one of the fastest guys in high school but his mantra now is for all of his gym members to go slow and steady, which is fine by me. It's a good way to avoid injury. And the FEAR.

On another note. Anyone need a 10:30 a.m. slot for the Warrior Dash? My friend Eric paid for a spot but realized too late that the race was going to happen AFTER he left Hawaii. (See what happens when you don't check with your wife about the reservations?)

So rather than let his 50 bucks go to waste does anyone want to have the slot and pay him? I'll make the necessary arrangements, contact administrators, etc. I guess we can just get a refund but it seems like more and more RFMer's are signing up for the run every week so I thought I'd check.

Let me know.

Oh yeah, the WOD. Ten kettlebell swings, 10 lunges with weight and 10 box jumps. Thank you Kats for suggesting the 44 pound kettlebell. Five rounds and I was done.

Peace out homies.

Rod

Warrior Dashin

So I'm in. I'm doin the Warrior Dash come March.

Wondering what it is? It's a race. 3.1 miles of some funky obstacle course craziness.

When I was working on Oahu as a reporter we always covered the event, or at least sent out a photographer or cameraman out to it. Good visuals. How can you go wrong with:

- people slogging through mud
- crawling under barbed wire
- climbing over walls
- jumping over fire

That last one is a new obstacle, I don't remember seeing video of any sort of fire pictures during past events but there it is. As a confirmed pyromaniac I love fire but the klutz in me is afraid of stumbling and falling into a pile of burning coals. Straub Medical Center has an excellent burn unit at least.

Anyway, heading down to the event with me is the man who first got me started in Crossfit back in Albuquerque, New Mexico, my buddy Eric Johnson. Eric is a Colonel in the Air Force and works for the Pentagon. He just got back from Afghanistan and is stoked to come out to Maui for a vacation in March. When I realized that Warrior Dash was happening in the middle of his trip I figured he would want to go. Should be pretty sweet.

I know the rest of the RFM crew will be staying at some crazy beach house on the North Shore but it sounds pretty crowded already. I've got a buddy that lives in Kailua that has a couple of spare rooms and a fully stocked liquor cabinet. We'll probably crash there to save money and maybe even try to fly Mokulele Airlines for their cheap $68 fares.

March looks like fun. Unlike yesterday's workout.

It actually wasn't so bad except for a couple of glitches. We worked the foam rollers for mobility and that hurt. I've done it a couple of times before and it's pretty painful. I'm trying to search for the words to explain how it feels in writing but I'm coming up short. Let's just say there was screaming involved. What can I say, my thighs are tender.

Then we had four rounds of 20 second squats, sit-ups then push-ups. Ten seconds rest between each 20 second round. The only thing was that when you rested between squat rounds you had to do it with your knees bent and holding your half-way down squat position, so it really wasn't rest. Damn you Kristi for that alteration.

I knew the squats would suck but I was hoping for 60 each from push-ups and sit-ups at least. I forgot what was total was but it was one more rep than Kats. Ah well.

Okay gang, not sure if I'm going to make it to RFM today, got some after work bizness to take care of today.

Later,

Rod

What'd you say Val?

Do you know Val? She's a very sweet woman. She works out at our gym and always has a smile on her face and kind word on her lips.

Which is probably why I kind of blinked twice when she told me today, "If my daughter comes home for break and gets a go-go dancing gig, do you think the gym will go support her?"

Now, it's not often that someone confuses me, intrigues me and shocks me at the same time. I've heard it all but this was a first.

In fact why don't we break down the sentence to explain what surprised me so.

1) You have a daughter that go-go dances.

2) You're not only okay with it the go-go dancing but you'd like your friends to go watch her if she lands a gig here on Maui during her Christmas break.

3) Although Kristi and Bumper are owners of the gym and usually the social event organizers for our little RFM family, you came to talk to ME about this potential outing.

My responses to these three points are:

1) You have a cool daughter.

2) You are a cool mother.

3) You are a wise woman who recognizes the marketing power of the I Hate Cardio blog.

OF COURSE we will come to support your daughter. Watercrest is a fine establishment and boasts a delicious pupu menu. It is also located close by the gym so it will be easy for us to head down there after a Friday workout. Just let us know the time and place.

Now, let's talk workout.

Gotta give props to D.Meyer for telling me to adjust my footing during squats. For the last two weeks my knee felt like it was popping out of my socket. Today I rotated my left foot a little and boom! No pain. Well except the pain of heavy squats. Which sucked.

Also I believe I've reached the end of my endurance for shoulder press. I don't think I can do 150 pounds, which is my next progression. I'm thinking deload week soon here.

Today's WOD, seven rounds of seven reps each of wall-balls and pull-ups, followed by a 200 meter run.

I slacked hard today. Used the 10 pound ball and ran like a slug during the 200 meter. Pull-ups were okay but I was slow during those too.

Derek and Marcus hit it hard and were done before I finished my sixth round.

I need to get it going again. But I need some sort of motivation. Maybe to be in top shape for the Warrior Dash?

It's coming up in March and it looks like Marcus and Ken are my running mates from RFM.

A good crew that I will probably not be able to keep up with for long. Maybe I should be training hard for that.

Whatever. If you find my motivation, let me know where it is.

I need it. Badly.

Later crew,

Rod

I hate cardio but I love ice cream

Remember drumstick ice cream cones?

Well those crafty ice cream makers came out with new ones, with different kinds of filling.

You can buy a box and they have drumsticks with caramel and chocolate oozing in the middle once you take a bite. There's even one made out of chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla.

How do I know? Because hungry fat bastard that I am, I bought some.

Yup. So much for the paleo diet. Sheesh.

My gut grows then it shrinks then it grows again. Oh man.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Ok. Start now.

No more starch, sugar or dairy. Nope.

There, that was easy.

Now then, my legs friggin hurt.

All we've been doing is air squats and they still hurt. Yesterday was "Cindy", which was 5 pull-ups, 10 push-ups and 15 air squats. After you do three rounds of that you run 200 meters.

Sounds okay right. Oh wait, did I mention that after you do the first three rounder you keep going? Yup. Just keep on going until the time expires. Ugh.

I flew through the pull-ups and push-ups but those squats were a burner. After the workout Lori tells me, "Oh those squats were the easiest part!"

Yeah, if you have legs like the Hulk and are only a flower plant from the ground then it's easy. Don't talk to me about squats Lori. The sight of you zipping up and down at light speed drove me nuts Tuesday.

Today's workout didn't look too bad either but it was frustrating. Five power cleans then 30 double unders.

The five power cleans were cake but the double unders took forever. Kehau took pity on me and loaned me her most excellent jump rope which helped me considerably. I'm going to have to get one for myself. It sort of made a difference. Instead of doing one and two and three double unders I did four and five and eight.

Yeah, gonna have to get one.

Just checked eBay and there's all kinds of stuff, leather ones for 8 bucks and more expensive Crossfit gear for $25. Gary said he got a pretty cool cable one for $15.

There's even a cool looking "Muay Thai" jump rope for $14. Yeah.

It's hard to buy something without trying it first though. Maybe a trip to Sports Authority is in order.

Whoa! Digital "ropeless" jump rope! Perfect! No more tripping on the ropes!

Ah well, I'll figure it out.

One last thing. A bunch of the RFMers are heading over to Oahu for the "Warrior Dash" in March. It's a crazy race involving crawling through the mud, jumping over fire and climbing ropes over walls.

Sweet, where do I sign up?

Late,

Rod

UPDATE*******************************

All the 9 a.m. slots are filled for the Warrior Dash. Anybody going to enter the 9:30 race from RFM? Anyone? Anyone? Who wants in on the 9:30 a.m. I Hate Cardio team? Let me know, I ain't running without some backup in my heat.

Don't call it a comeback (seriously, don't)

You might have noticed that this blog has not been updated for a while. And if you workout at RFM you might have noticed that I haven't been in for a while.

Well I had a legit reason which I can explain with this equation: work + illness = zombie.

Yeah, I went to work sick, tried to work from home while I was sick and then went to work when I thought I wasn't sick anymore and made it worse.

All of this took place over the course of two weeks. Needless to say Crossfit was sort of the last thing on my mind.

But I finally made it back on Friday and surprise surprise, it sucked. Back squats felt EXTRA heavy and I was supposed to be doing 250 pounds. WTF ever. Not. I dropped down to 225 and that felt like a million pounds. The WOD wasn't that bad, run 200 meters, 3 squat cleans, 5 push presses and as many sit ups as you can do in whatever time is remaining with the 2 minutes and 30 seconds that they give you. Three rounds. My abs hurt like hell all weekend but it felt good to finally get back in there.

Then I came back today, Monday, and had to face the back squats again. I told Marcus that it felt like I was on another planet where the gravity was greater. I dropped down again to 185 and barely cranked out 8 reps.

You know, for a while there I was doing okay on the squats. My reps were low but I kept on adding 5 pounds every workout like we were supposed to and I cranked out five reps at least. It's hard to get all that work back now, feels like I have to start all over again.

Maybe that's why I was determined not to embarrass myself on the WOD. Today was run 400 meters and come back and do 30 shoulder to overhead presses and then run the 400 again.

The trick was, if you put your bar down at all you had to do burpees. Thank God Kehau said we could rest the bar behind our necks, otherwise I think I would have been screwed.

So I threw on 115 and we got ready to run. Marcus and Alex zoomed ahead and I was in third but tried not to fall behind too much. Then we got back to the gym and it was time to lift. I pumped out about 8, had to rest behind the neck then cranked out another five reps. More rest behind the neck then five more and more rest. After that I think I only had enough strength for two reps before I went behind the neck again each time.

It was kind of a blur but I hit 30 and not once did I put it down and do burpees. (HAH!!! I SPIT IN YOUR EYE IN DEFIANCE BURPEE GODS!!! I DEFY YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!)

Anyway I ran out and it felt like I was running with football shoulder pads because my delts were so stiff and swollen. About halfway to the 200 meter mark I thought I heard footsteps and I ran a little faster. I thought to myself, "Marcus, that bastard."

Marcus is a young man who can still drink all day and Crossfit all evening. He's strong and fast and I knew he was catching up, even without looking behind me. I got to the halfway mark and sure enough, he had caught up and then passed me on the way back.

I kept up behind him and then foolishly started running faster, trying to match his speed. I think I caught him off guard because he actually let me run with him for a while, then accelerated. I kept running with him until the turn into the parking lot and I lost whatever it was that kept me going. I was gassed. I walked the last several meters and came in around 6:02 or something.

I told Marcus later that I should have just kept on running behind him and "drafted" him, like Tom Cruise in Days of Thunder, then pull out with a blast of speed at the end.

I'll be the first to say I can't run with the young ones anymore, but it feels good to push every once in a while.  It did feel good to see the surprise on Marcus' face as I tried to pass him.

Not as good as it felt NOT to do burpees of course. Ha.

On another note.

Whatever I did to lose that weight prior to Vegas in August is something I need to do again. Not sure where I got the self discipline but I did it. Need to reach deep down inside and . . . just do it. It's not hard. It's not like I'm fighting a heroin addiction.

Water. Vegetables. Protein. That's all I need.

Right?

Right.

Outta here gang, good to be back. Later.

Rod

UPDATE**************

How could I forget? Kehau is NOT Maui's strongest woman anymore. What the hell? I get sick and she competes and doesn't win? Do you know what this means for my blog? No more teasing her that she's a mutant Samoan/Tongan hybrid who is stronger than the normal human woman (or man for  that matter). Actually from what I understand the contest ended in a tie and Kehau conceded rather than be late for the Barbells for Boobs fundraiser. What a girl. So in her honor I will continue to refer to her as Maui's strongest woman. After all, Kats did dress up as Tehau for Halloween. We cannot let her alter-ego die. Tehau must live on even though Kehau fell short. KIDDING. don't hurt me please