I can't hear you. Really. I can't

Today I realized something about my body. It's a lot like the a starship.

(If you've never watched a damn episode of Star Wars, Star Trek or any sci-fi movie in space get the hell away from my blog now. Seriously)

Anyway, in these sci-fi movies when the starship or spaceship is damaged the crew stays alive by re-routing power to vital areas. Example:

"Captain, we've been hit! We're down to 40 percent power!"

"Shut down everything but life support and shields! NOW FIRE ALL WEAPONS!!!"

"Uh, you just said shut everything down except for life support and shields. Our weapons are useless."

"Crap."

Whatever. What that needlessly long example shows is that when damaged, you've got to conserve energy.

Case in point. After the WOD people at RFM foolishly try to speak to me. Today Derek said something about my hips and people laughed. I laughed too but just to be friendly, then I walked to my car.

I have no idea what they were saying. I usually don't.

At the end of a tough WOD my body shuts down the language center of my brain and I have trouble hearing and speaking. I'd say out of the five senses that a human being usually possesses I'm down to three by 6:15 p.m.

So sorry guys. I really don't know what you were saying. I'm sure it was important and/or funny. I might have even responded but God knows what I said because I don't.

Especially today. Today was a beater. Wall balls and pullups and a 400 meter run. For four rounds.

My running sucks. I tried to do that special track running technique that MHS star Kikuchi was trying to teach us but I couldn't lift my legs. However by the last lap I had somehow extended my stride which had me going faster (a little) and helped my back but I'm not sure how I did that either.

I will thank Bumper for incorporating more weighted pullups though, because it really made the difference for me today. I cranked out the first round of deadhang pullups and then managed to kip my way past the other three rounds.

Oh yes, and having the 14 pound medicine ball instead of the 20 helped too. Then again maybe it was the front squat training that we've been doing. I fixed my grip and made it more narrow and holy crap it was easier today. I didn't do as much weight as Derek but at least the final 4 reps of 190 didn't destroy me like it usually does.

In fact, the front squat was easier than my push presses earlier in the week. Which is strange. For me at least. I hate squats and love presses. Usually. Today was different.

Strange day today, but mostly in a good way. I do not understand all that Bumper does but his tweaking of the strength workouts seems to be working for me.

Now, on to other matters. This one I will address only once so listen up.

I hate all WOD's. Bear crawls for 100 feet I hated more than usual but believe me, I hate them all.

I hate thrusters and I hate burpees. I hate deadlifts and I hate kettlebells swings and I ESPECIALLY hate when Bump schedules both on the same day, which he has been doing for every single workout for like the last 5 months or something. It's like taking a wrecking ball to my lower back every time.

But I do them, because I know I'll be better for it.

However it is my God given right to hate the WOD. If I can't hate the WOD then damn it, the terrorists have already won. I've got a First Amendment right to hate the WOD. My hate is protected by the U.S. Constitution and the ACLU.

My damn blog is called I Hate Cardio for God's sake. It's my frickin job to hate the WOD.

But that's okay. Ali hated Joe Fraizer and said he was a better champion because he said Joe forced him to go to that next level. I think his exact words were that Joe Fraizer helped him become a better man.

As much as I hate them, the WOD's are helping me become a better 38-year-old man. In fact when I turn 39 in August I expect to be even better than I was when I was 38 and I expect to be in better shape at 40 than the year before and so on and so forth.

And guess what? I'll still hate the WOD's, especially burpees and thrusters and bear-crawls. Expect me to whine and moan. But also expect me to run, jump, push, pull, lift and squat as much as I can.

It's how I thrive. I focus on hate during the WOD. It gets me going. Some examples:

- I hate Derek when he runs
- I hate Lori when she does air squats at light speed
- I hate Ikaika when I see on the board that he grabbed a weight 10 pounds heavier than I would have used
- I hate Luke whenever he does anything

Maybe that technique doesn't work for you, but it does for me. Join the hate brigade and sip on the Haterade.

Adios and stay thirsty my friends.

Rod

What all this training comes down to is . . .

. . . how do I go looking like this guy . . .

To looking more like this guy . . .

Because let's face it, that's why I'm doing all this stuff. I'm shallow, yes I know.

Anyway, please do not take this as a "Rod's not happy with RFM" because I'm totally not. It's just that as Vegas looms near I begin to think less about fitness and more about appearances. Give me a break, I just got divorced.

Also I'd like to go on the record to say I am very happy with what RFM has done for me thus far. I feel better, I believe I look better and I've gotten many compliments. Above all I'm estatic that even though I have half a pectoral my chest strength is as strong as before.

What I'm talking about is slimming down, but it really has nothing to with RFM and more to do with my diet. I like to drink after work and what I have also discovered is that you cannot really modify the Paleo diet (I can't anyway). Just a little bit of gluten messes everything up totally. I've really cut back on the sweets but still ate ice cream twice and had one jelly filled doughnut with the jelly squeezed out of it over the last 7 days. Is that good enough? It would be better if I didn't eat that stuff and I'm trying. I really really am.

Again, this is just me. Some members of my gym are on a modified Paleo and it works, I see their results. They've found something that works and now so do I. Vegas in the summer is a great motivator.

On another note I'd like to report that my back pain has lessened considerably. I'm actually proud to say that the stretching I have done before our workouts has helped along with trying to do very strict deadlifts. Of course I was being so careful going up that I forgot to fully widen my hips at the top as pointed out to me by Bump. So noted and thank you. We'll see if I can remember next time.

My kettlebell swings need some work though. Ah well, one thing at a time.

Also I'm starting to do some core strengthening before the workouts as well. It just makes me feel better. I should probably incorporate some double under practice too because that's starting to piss me off that I don't have those yet. Oh and ring dips. Grrrrr. . . but Ken showed me something with the rubber bands that I might try next time.

Yeah, no funny stuff today gang. Sorry. But that's why we have other blogs now. I have to say with no BS that Rikki is on a roll, her stuff is fresh and entertaining and she has the passion of a new RFMer that you can't replicate. It's like that new car smell, once it's gone it's gone. Kehau is funny too but her blog is more about eggs and chickens. If she starts talking about fighting roosters then I'm in there like swimwear on a fat man. Carrol is great but she still scares me. When I read her blog I feel like she's going to jump from behind my couch and say "MOVE IT DIRTBAG!!!!" (Just had a Police Academy flashback. 80's alert!)

Anyway, aloha and I'll see you at the gym,

Rod