What'd you say Val?

Do you know Val? She's a very sweet woman. She works out at our gym and always has a smile on her face and kind word on her lips.

Which is probably why I kind of blinked twice when she told me today, "If my daughter comes home for break and gets a go-go dancing gig, do you think the gym will go support her?"

Now, it's not often that someone confuses me, intrigues me and shocks me at the same time. I've heard it all but this was a first.

In fact why don't we break down the sentence to explain what surprised me so.

1) You have a daughter that go-go dances.

2) You're not only okay with it the go-go dancing but you'd like your friends to go watch her if she lands a gig here on Maui during her Christmas break.

3) Although Kristi and Bumper are owners of the gym and usually the social event organizers for our little RFM family, you came to talk to ME about this potential outing.

My responses to these three points are:

1) You have a cool daughter.

2) You are a cool mother.

3) You are a wise woman who recognizes the marketing power of the I Hate Cardio blog.

OF COURSE we will come to support your daughter. Watercrest is a fine establishment and boasts a delicious pupu menu. It is also located close by the gym so it will be easy for us to head down there after a Friday workout. Just let us know the time and place.

Now, let's talk workout.

Gotta give props to D.Meyer for telling me to adjust my footing during squats. For the last two weeks my knee felt like it was popping out of my socket. Today I rotated my left foot a little and boom! No pain. Well except the pain of heavy squats. Which sucked.

Also I believe I've reached the end of my endurance for shoulder press. I don't think I can do 150 pounds, which is my next progression. I'm thinking deload week soon here.

Today's WOD, seven rounds of seven reps each of wall-balls and pull-ups, followed by a 200 meter run.

I slacked hard today. Used the 10 pound ball and ran like a slug during the 200 meter. Pull-ups were okay but I was slow during those too.

Derek and Marcus hit it hard and were done before I finished my sixth round.

I need to get it going again. But I need some sort of motivation. Maybe to be in top shape for the Warrior Dash?

It's coming up in March and it looks like Marcus and Ken are my running mates from RFM.

A good crew that I will probably not be able to keep up with for long. Maybe I should be training hard for that.

Whatever. If you find my motivation, let me know where it is.

I need it. Badly.

Later crew,

Rod

I hate cardio but I love ice cream

Remember drumstick ice cream cones?

Well those crafty ice cream makers came out with new ones, with different kinds of filling.

You can buy a box and they have drumsticks with caramel and chocolate oozing in the middle once you take a bite. There's even one made out of chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla.

How do I know? Because hungry fat bastard that I am, I bought some.

Yup. So much for the paleo diet. Sheesh.

My gut grows then it shrinks then it grows again. Oh man.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Ok. Start now.

No more starch, sugar or dairy. Nope.

There, that was easy.

Now then, my legs friggin hurt.

All we've been doing is air squats and they still hurt. Yesterday was "Cindy", which was 5 pull-ups, 10 push-ups and 15 air squats. After you do three rounds of that you run 200 meters.

Sounds okay right. Oh wait, did I mention that after you do the first three rounder you keep going? Yup. Just keep on going until the time expires. Ugh.

I flew through the pull-ups and push-ups but those squats were a burner. After the workout Lori tells me, "Oh those squats were the easiest part!"

Yeah, if you have legs like the Hulk and are only a flower plant from the ground then it's easy. Don't talk to me about squats Lori. The sight of you zipping up and down at light speed drove me nuts Tuesday.

Today's workout didn't look too bad either but it was frustrating. Five power cleans then 30 double unders.

The five power cleans were cake but the double unders took forever. Kehau took pity on me and loaned me her most excellent jump rope which helped me considerably. I'm going to have to get one for myself. It sort of made a difference. Instead of doing one and two and three double unders I did four and five and eight.

Yeah, gonna have to get one.

Just checked eBay and there's all kinds of stuff, leather ones for 8 bucks and more expensive Crossfit gear for $25. Gary said he got a pretty cool cable one for $15.

There's even a cool looking "Muay Thai" jump rope for $14. Yeah.

It's hard to buy something without trying it first though. Maybe a trip to Sports Authority is in order.

Whoa! Digital "ropeless" jump rope! Perfect! No more tripping on the ropes!

Ah well, I'll figure it out.

One last thing. A bunch of the RFMers are heading over to Oahu for the "Warrior Dash" in March. It's a crazy race involving crawling through the mud, jumping over fire and climbing ropes over walls.

Sweet, where do I sign up?

Late,

Rod

UPDATE*******************************

All the 9 a.m. slots are filled for the Warrior Dash. Anybody going to enter the 9:30 race from RFM? Anyone? Anyone? Who wants in on the 9:30 a.m. I Hate Cardio team? Let me know, I ain't running without some backup in my heat.

Don't call it a comeback (seriously, don't)

You might have noticed that this blog has not been updated for a while. And if you workout at RFM you might have noticed that I haven't been in for a while.

Well I had a legit reason which I can explain with this equation: work + illness = zombie.

Yeah, I went to work sick, tried to work from home while I was sick and then went to work when I thought I wasn't sick anymore and made it worse.

All of this took place over the course of two weeks. Needless to say Crossfit was sort of the last thing on my mind.

But I finally made it back on Friday and surprise surprise, it sucked. Back squats felt EXTRA heavy and I was supposed to be doing 250 pounds. WTF ever. Not. I dropped down to 225 and that felt like a million pounds. The WOD wasn't that bad, run 200 meters, 3 squat cleans, 5 push presses and as many sit ups as you can do in whatever time is remaining with the 2 minutes and 30 seconds that they give you. Three rounds. My abs hurt like hell all weekend but it felt good to finally get back in there.

Then I came back today, Monday, and had to face the back squats again. I told Marcus that it felt like I was on another planet where the gravity was greater. I dropped down again to 185 and barely cranked out 8 reps.

You know, for a while there I was doing okay on the squats. My reps were low but I kept on adding 5 pounds every workout like we were supposed to and I cranked out five reps at least. It's hard to get all that work back now, feels like I have to start all over again.

Maybe that's why I was determined not to embarrass myself on the WOD. Today was run 400 meters and come back and do 30 shoulder to overhead presses and then run the 400 again.

The trick was, if you put your bar down at all you had to do burpees. Thank God Kehau said we could rest the bar behind our necks, otherwise I think I would have been screwed.

So I threw on 115 and we got ready to run. Marcus and Alex zoomed ahead and I was in third but tried not to fall behind too much. Then we got back to the gym and it was time to lift. I pumped out about 8, had to rest behind the neck then cranked out another five reps. More rest behind the neck then five more and more rest. After that I think I only had enough strength for two reps before I went behind the neck again each time.

It was kind of a blur but I hit 30 and not once did I put it down and do burpees. (HAH!!! I SPIT IN YOUR EYE IN DEFIANCE BURPEE GODS!!! I DEFY YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!)

Anyway I ran out and it felt like I was running with football shoulder pads because my delts were so stiff and swollen. About halfway to the 200 meter mark I thought I heard footsteps and I ran a little faster. I thought to myself, "Marcus, that bastard."

Marcus is a young man who can still drink all day and Crossfit all evening. He's strong and fast and I knew he was catching up, even without looking behind me. I got to the halfway mark and sure enough, he had caught up and then passed me on the way back.

I kept up behind him and then foolishly started running faster, trying to match his speed. I think I caught him off guard because he actually let me run with him for a while, then accelerated. I kept running with him until the turn into the parking lot and I lost whatever it was that kept me going. I was gassed. I walked the last several meters and came in around 6:02 or something.

I told Marcus later that I should have just kept on running behind him and "drafted" him, like Tom Cruise in Days of Thunder, then pull out with a blast of speed at the end.

I'll be the first to say I can't run with the young ones anymore, but it feels good to push every once in a while.  It did feel good to see the surprise on Marcus' face as I tried to pass him.

Not as good as it felt NOT to do burpees of course. Ha.

On another note.

Whatever I did to lose that weight prior to Vegas in August is something I need to do again. Not sure where I got the self discipline but I did it. Need to reach deep down inside and . . . just do it. It's not hard. It's not like I'm fighting a heroin addiction.

Water. Vegetables. Protein. That's all I need.

Right?

Right.

Outta here gang, good to be back. Later.

Rod

UPDATE**************

How could I forget? Kehau is NOT Maui's strongest woman anymore. What the hell? I get sick and she competes and doesn't win? Do you know what this means for my blog? No more teasing her that she's a mutant Samoan/Tongan hybrid who is stronger than the normal human woman (or man for  that matter). Actually from what I understand the contest ended in a tie and Kehau conceded rather than be late for the Barbells for Boobs fundraiser. What a girl. So in her honor I will continue to refer to her as Maui's strongest woman. After all, Kats did dress up as Tehau for Halloween. We cannot let her alter-ego die. Tehau must live on even though Kehau fell short. KIDDING. don't hurt me please

Don't let 'em fool ya

So, we had two back to back workouts which totally surprised me.
The first because it didn't look that bad but totally wiped me out. I'm talking about mini-Hiroshima.
The second because it looked like hell but then wasn't actually that bad.
I know, weird right?
So let's start with Tuesday. The WOD was 20-15-10-5 reps of pull-ups, sit-ups, push-ups and air squats. No weight and no running and barely any legs. I mean, even I can do air squats.
So everybody is thinking they're going to blaze through this. Plus Kristi pairs me up with a new guy, Steve, so I'm thinking I gotta do real good to show the rookie how it's done.
So Steve goes first and he's doing good. Does the first 10 pull-ups then switches to the rings. I'm trying to be a good partner, I set up his sit-up mat and I'm counting all his reps. I'm also trying to be supportive and yelling at him, you know, "C'mon Steve let's go" and that sort of thing. Of course the next day Kristi tells me that this was the guy's first day and that he had knee problems etc etc. I didn't know that, geez. I figured if he was in the regular class he was all done with Elements and that I was supposed to be pushing him. I was sorta in Fight Gone Bad mode but it's all programmed into us by now.
Anyway I'm getting sidetracked. So Steve does his thing and he does well I thought. So now it's my turn.
The clock hits zero and I start pull-ups. The first 10 are easy and the second 10 are a little harder but I make it through. I blaze through sit-ups and push-ups and do relatively well at air squats but then I realize that after that, 15 reps is still a lot.
The second round goes by MUCH slower as far as pull-ups go. I still hit the sit-ups and push-ups fairly quickly and the air squats too. Then the 10 rep round and I'm hurtin. Arms barely going up and down and it takes forever to get my pull-ups done. Steve's trying to say some words of encouragement but I couldn't hear him. I jump down and start the sit-ups and I'm literally farting to get those done but I don't care that I'm ripping toots left and right by then. The push-ups are tough and I have to rest a couple of times. Air squats suck and then it's the five rep round. I have to use rubber bands for the last five pull-ups and the rest of it was just a blur.
Afterwards I was rolling on the ground and looking for air, as if it was a small penny and somewhere on the floor. It must have been because oxygen didn't seem to be in the air I was breathing. I thought this is what it must be like when a semi-truck hits you and you're lying down on the side of the road waiting for someone to call 911. Derrick was winded too and I know Ikaika was somewhere nursing bleeding hands. The workout only lasted 5 to 10 minutes but afterwards it was like we had all stepped on a land mine and were looking around for our body parts.
Then comes Wednesday.
On the board I see the barbell complex that I had done once before. Power clean + front squat + push press + back squat + push press = one rep. We had to do three rounds of five reps with jump rope double-unders to end the complex with.
This looked terrible. I slapped on 95 pounds and expected the worst. But it wasn't that bad. I mean, yeah, my double-unders sucked but overall the complex didn't kill me like Tuesday's workout did. I'm sure a wiser person would have some sort of moral of the story at this point but the only thing I know is that my body doesn't hurt from the complex but my left arm STILL hurts from those pull-ups. Damn.  By the way Steve if someone shows you this blog just know that I wasn't trying to kill you. At RFM that's how we show we care.
Have a good rest day gang, peace,

Rod

So many ways to hurt you

I realized something the other day, as I was out of breath and drooling on the gym floor, hoping that the burning in my legs would stop.

Crossfit workouts almost never generate the same kind of pain twice.

Did you ever notice that? There are all kinds of ways to suffer, take for example Wednesday's workout.

The workout was 50 thrusters, 40 double unders, 30 kettlebell swings, 20 lunges with weight and 10 burpees.

Obviously this was going to be hard. I prepared myself to suffer greatly.

But man, it was a different kind of pain. My legs felt like they were on fire and I felt like I was going to throw up.

This was different from Monday's workout, when my legs felt numb and refused to bend after the second front squat set.

As I sit here I'm trying to recall all the different ways that I've suffered at RFM. Let's see . . .

- there's crippling back pain
- burning leg pain
- numbing leg pain
- burning lungs
- nauseous stomach/puking
- trembling forearms
- wasted shoulder muscles
- unable to make a fist because of too many pull-ups, farmer carries, etc

Looking over my past blog entries I found more descriptions

- sore wrists from bending your hands backwards for front squats
- "Crossfit Amnesia", when you're so exhausted you forget to count your reps
- the special pain you get from using the rollers for the first time

Ah yes, memories.

By the way, I got stopped by another blog fan who is NOT an RFM member. In fact, he was never an RFM member! Unreal. Thanks Gino.

So Gino works at the County building in Public Works and says he's been reading my blog because he's interested in Crossfit and was doing some research. He says he drives by RFM every once in a while and sees us train but hasn't joined.

WHAT'S WRONG GINO??? We don't bite, I mean, Lori may hit you occasionally and Kehau may push your car and Patty may try to smack you in the face with a basketball but otherwise we're all pretty harmless. The guys anyway. The chicks are kinda intense so just stay out of their way.

Alright guys, see you at the Friday workout,

Rod

Bump ain't messin around

You know, I got to a point here at RFM where I just figured that any workout is doable so long as you just keep on going. Just don't give up.

But today was NOT one of those days. Good God.

Today we did four rounds of five power cleans, five push presses and five front squats.

The kicker was that every minute we did five burpees too.

The first round sucked. The second round I barely finished in time before having to do the burpees. The third round took a minute for each set of five.

It was impossible to catch up once you got tired. How the hell Ikaika did that WOD in four minutes AND use 115 lbs (I used 95 lbs) is a freaking unreal accomplishment. Actually now that I think about it you almost HAD to do that workout really fast and get it over with before the burpees start sucking the life out of you.

The defining moment of the day was when Ken, who is a pretty good athlete, laid down on the ground and yelled, "I can't feel my legs!"

If anyone knows Ken you know he's not the type of guy to scream. He barely talks. But I think for him it was round two or three when his body came to a grinding halt.

For me it was round three, just as I was about to do the front squats. I just couldn't do it. My legs would not go down for more squats. I quit before I even started the fourth round. It. Was. Not. Happening.

I was impressed with Ken though, because after he screamed he finished all four rounds. Later on he told me that in order to do that he didn't do any more burpees.

Eliminate burpees, what a great idea. Wish I had thought of that. Seriously though, that was a painful lesson in reality. I definitely did not plan that very well.

That's it. I'm going to have to do something drastic. Like . . . ask for more burpees and thrusters after our regular workout.

I know, I should change the name of this blog to "I hate myself" if I'm going to put myself through something like that. It's like Vegas all over again, except instead of extra cardio I'm asking for extra conditioning against pain. It's the only way I'm going to get better at this.

You're thinking, Rod, are you insane? More burpees and thrusters?

Attack your weaknesses right?

How much do you think I'm going to hate myself tomorrow? I'm thinking a lot.

Later gang,

Rod

Another Whole 30 . . . or something like that

Today I start eating properly again. Yesterday was filled with Taco Bell, ice cream and Home Maid bakery goodies in preparation for this day.

But this is not the original Whole 30 paleo diet. I still plan on having a beer. Or two. It is October and there is football, Halloween, birthday parties and various other celebrations and libations to partake of out there.

Speaking of which, I had a good time at the First Friday last week. It was fun and mellow at the same time with my fellow RFMer's. Kehau, Patty and Ikaika and I hung out. We ate and drank and just talked as we walked around Market Street. The subjects were varied and included:

- Why Rainbow Park is the scariest of all parks on Maui
- How people get down and let loose at Miki's house
- Why Friday night's workout really sucked

Yes, I was pleased to note that Ikaika and I both had the same problem with the Seventh Heaven workout, which was 7 overhead squats followed by 7 burpees for 7 rounds.

Did we mention we did back squats prior to the workout? Is anyone surprised? Of course not.

Ikaika's back was hurting so he did front squats instead of overhead squats but still, the result was the same.

We both finished the first round of overhead and did our first rep of burpees and then fell down.

Seriously. My legs just gave out. And when I mean they gave out I mean my leg muscles turned into solid lead.

Again, this was on the first rep of the first round. Only had 48 more reps to go.

I don't know about Ikaika but at the time the only thing going through my mind was, "Really?"

I'm not sure how I made it through that workout. I just gritted my teeth and squatted, then tried to do something that barely resembled a proper burpee.

So you know how a burpee is supposed to look like right? You squat, get into plank position and do a push up, then get back into squat position and jump back up.

Well mine looked like this instead:

- I had a seizure and collapsed
- After drooling on the floor I became intoxicated and attempted to stand
- Once upright (somewhat) I tried to jump over an invisible credit card and failed

Somehow I made it through, showered and came back to Wailuku and met the gang for First Friday. Walking around with my RFMers and shooting the breeze afterwards took my mind off the pain. We drank a little and ate some cheap thai food and I bought the greasiest, grossest, most disgusting bibinka I have ever eaten.

Another reason why I'm going on paleo. Whatever works to motivate you right?

Hope to see you all at the next First Friday. Maybe a Fourth Friday excursion to Paia? Anyone?

Later gang,

Rod