I've been forewarned

I got this ominous email message today from my good buddy Kehau:

"Call Bumper out and don't show face at RFM? You wussy.

You better come Friday. A mob will be waiting."

It's good to be loved.

Yes, I did compare Bump to the devil. I know he's looking for me but I had to meet with my reporters who write for the University of Hawaii Maui College student newspaper. It's online only but this is as good a place as any to plug the website. www.uhmauinews.com 

What's that you say? Why thank you, I'm proud of our student reporters as well. Boy, sure would be great if the Maui News did a little feature article about Maui College starting up the student newspaper again. I know right? It would be perfect for the Sunday paper. If only I knew someone who wrote for the paper. Better yet, someone who writes specifically for the features section and could lend their skills toward crafting a fine story about these young but hungry news hounds. 

I'm sure she, I mean whoever that reporter is, would receive accolades from her, I mean their co-workers and peers. The crowds would cheer, champagne would fall from the heavens, doors would open, velvet ropes would part.

But I digress. 

Anyway, speaking about writing, I finally checked out Crossfit One World. I was struck by the blogger's writing style. Pretty good. I liked the examples that he listed as far as why someone would benefit from Crossfit training: A first responder may need a short burst of speed and power or the ability to run a medium to long distance without being completely wiped out afterward. A parent should be able to pick up their child, whether in play or in an emergency. An athlete may need to lift something heavy for a short period of time, or lift something light for a long period of time. 

Also he had a pretty good motto for his gym and said that his program best prepares you to "Train Not To Suck At Life."

I think I'm going to have to start following this guy, he's got some writing chops. 

Sorry, I must be bipolar

So my last blog I complained about the hell that is RFM and how Bump is a demon, and should have his name changed to Beelze-Bump (haha).

And yet today I feel myself feeling like he doesn't respect us enough to AT LEAST give us the same post Thanksgiving workout as posted on the Hardass Fitness website. Check this out:

600 meter run
40 squats
30 sit ups
20 push ups
10 pull ups
600 meter run
10 pull ups
20 push ups
30 sit ups
40 squats
600 m run
40 squats
30 sit ups
20 push ups
10 pull ups
600 m run
10 pull ups
20 push ups
30 sit ups
40 squats
600 m run

They ran the 600 m FIVE times. Are they crazy? Sadistic? Masochistic?

The sane part of me realizes that we should all be THANKFUL that we did not receive this workout.

And then the abused RFMer in me wants to know why we didn't push it as far as Hardass Fitness did. I saw those people here, our people workout as hard as their people. If anything they do more cardio and we do more lifting.

We can handle that, right? Where the heck is the 600 meter mark around our gym anyway? 

Some things just don't go well together

You know what I mean right? There's stuff out there that people just shouldn't mix, and if they do they get into trouble.

Stuff like oil and water. Drinking and driving. Laxatives and sleeping pills.

Well you can add thrusters and burpees to that list. I've said it before and I'll say it again.

Individually they suck. Together they are more powerfully sucky than you can imagine.

Today we had to do 50 thrusters. No time limit but for every minute that went by you had to do 5 burpees.

So unless you did a thruster a second for 50 seconds you were going to do AT LEAST five burpees.

But see, that's the trap. Once you do burpees it eats into your energy for thrusters. Then it takes longer for you to do less thrusters which means you end up doing more burpees because the minutes are getting shorter.

I imagine hell  to be like this, where time stretches out and the pain increases into infinity.

Fortunately Bump allows me to scale. Satan wouldn't let me do that probably which might be the only difference between the two of them.

Think about it, both of them think of devious ways to destroy you. They both instruct their lieutenants (coaches) to inflict more suffering upon you and they both laugh when you're in pain.

Something to think about. On Monday's WOD I'm bringing some holy water from church and sprinkling some on Bump just to see if it sizzles. I believe it might.

Okay, back to the workout. Did I mention that prior to the WOD we had like a mini-strength WOD?
Ten turkish get-ups on each side, then walk 200 meters for the farmer's carry and 200 for the waiter's carry.

This was also painful and my forearms throb as I type right now. I have a feeling by tomorrow they will be immobile. I know this because after the workout I stopped at Whole Foods to get a pizza (a healthy pizza with pepperoni, spinach and mushrooms) and had a hard time carrying the pizza out.

Between today's workout and yesterday we all took a beating. Yesterday we did 10 hand-stand pushups, 20 pull-ups, 30 box jumps, 40 kettlebell swings, 50 sit-ups and the 400 meter run. Then when you got back you did everything again, except in reverse, starting with the 50 sit-ups.

It was so bad that Derek said he wasn't coming back on Tuesday and he wasn't joking. I'm not sure why I did. I'm in that cycle of abuse, I just can't break it. It's like battered wife syndrome.

Yeah I know, so far in one blog posting I've compared Bump to Satan and Ike Turner. I can't help it, I'm mentally fatigued and I'm blog rambling.

All I know is my shower tonight is going to feel great. Take care, it's time to pass out in the bathroom.

Later,

Rod

My Mental Prep Routine

Just read the RFM post about the "Mental Approach to Crossfit." Not bad.

My personal approach is as follows, here's the Pre-workout first:

- Look at the WOD board to see if it changed since I saw it online last night.
- Look at the times/weights/reps that people in the earlier classes did before me and either laugh or cry
- Curse and swear at myself for not sticking to my Paleo diet

Warm-up

- Mentally scream "I hate stretching" to myself so I can block out the physical pain
- Think positive, "No long distance bear crawls please, YES!!!"
- Sniff myself to see if I brought fresh workout clothes.

Strength Workout

- Set goals. Lift more than Marcus, lift at least half as much as Ikaika, make sure Kehau doesn't work out with me otherwise she will lift as much or more weight.

WOD

- Try to think some strategy. Should I go all out, conserve my strength during certain movements, trip Derek, etc?
- Tell Kehau to change that damn music.
- Position myself behind another person so that Bumper cannot see my lack of form.

Post - WOD

- lie down
- drool
- steal someone's water
- try to scare the 6 p.m. class as much as possible on the way out.

Gary and Ikaika hit some milestones today

So this week I'm house sitting for my cousin who lives like two minutes from the gym, or the "box" as Erin likes to call it. Might have to steal that one from you Erin. Anyway, today I was totally into the Duke/Kansas game and sorta lost track of time.

Then Kehau texted me and called me a slacker and I noticed that it was 5 p.m. already. Oops.

But I remembered, hey, I'm not going back to Paia, I can just cruise and go to the 6 p.m. Which I never do.

So first thing I get there and Ikaika is there already and talking about not feeling it for the deadlifts tonight. I can relate.

Remember that last post about fear? Well you don't have to be injured to experience it. You can come close. Last time I tried for a personal best for deadlifts I stalled at 360. I wasn't feeling even close to that tonight.

Anyway Ikaika, Marcus and I jump on one bar after Oran proceeds to point out all the bad habits of those damn 5 o'clockers. Ha, for once I knew he wasn't talking about me because I wasn't there! But Oran is the man when it comes to technique and I took heed. Bar over the shoelaces, fully engaged back, got it.

So we warm up with 135 and then Ikaika says let's jump up to 225 which was okay. Then he went 315 and I was kinda like, okaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy. Marcus didn't flinch though so I just shut up and grabbed the bar. Damn thing almost slipped out of my hand. But I cranked out a rep or two.

Then he hit 405 and I was like crap, no way. I chalked up and bent over and tried it. Nope. Not even an inch off the ground. I was happy to say Marcus couldn't do it either. I was like, "YES". Hey, what can I say? Misery loves company.

Ikaika does it of course then throws on 430. Son of a bitch. He did it and it was scary. I thought his spine was going to snap. Kudos brah, that looked kinda nuts.

So now me and Marcus have to find our one rep max. I figure screw it, try 365 so I have the chance to break my own personal best at least.

I go first and damn, about half way up it felt like I was entering another dimension. Seriously. My vision started blurring on the sides and I heard the Twilight Zone theme music start playing. But I went up with the weight and stood up straight. Back and shoulder muscles engaged and legs trembling.

I told Marcus about the other dimensional feeling and he laughed. After he did his rep he looked at me and pointed and said, "I know EXACTLY what you're talking about." Yeah dude, it's sort of like you're high. Not that I know anything about that sort of thing, I was *ahem* just agreeing with Marcus.

Then there was the WOD, 15 dumbbell hang cleans, 40 double unders, 10 hc's, 40 du's, 5 hc's, 40 du's. For time of course.

I was going to grab the 40 pound dumbbells but damn it, someone took all of them so I had to grab the 35's. Seriously though, if I had known Kehau was going to do 35's I would have done 40's. Curses, she's foiled me again! (Twirl the moustache)

Also I finally think I've found out the secret of double unders. It's called, "jumping." Yes indeedy, it appears I've been extremely lazy and not wanting to jump high enough so that I have enough time to allow the rope to go under me twice. It just seems like a lot of energy wasted. As a result of that realization and Lori's awesome jump rope I had a good time (for me) although I forgot what it was. A little more than 6 minutes I think.

And then at the end of the night as I was going home, Gary tells me, "Hey Rod, I just made one year today." What? That's huge! Gary made one year at RFM!!! We should be putting his picture on the website! I asked him why he didn't say anything and he tells me, "I just did" and then smiled.

Typical Gary. Good job man and happy 1 year anniversary.

And Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. I'm thankful for my friends at RFM and the little family we have in and out of the gym. Take care everybody. Tomorrow I call my son, eat and watch football. In that order.

Peace!

Rod

What kind of RFMer are you?

So someone was mentioning that there was a Crossfit gym website that posted some funny videos. I checked it out and yes indeed, Crossfit Oahu has some funny stuff.

They've compiled some videos of some stereotypical Crossfitters, the talker, the guy who posts fake times, the sloppy technique guy, Mr. Sweats a lot, etc.

Amusing, yes indeedy. But somewhat generic. Plus some of that stuff doesn't happen at RFM. C'mon, time cheaters? Everyone is proud of their time, even though it may suck.

Chalk whores? Nah. Kehau is the closest thing we have but she actually suffers from chalk hatred, made obvious by the 12 times that she's kicked over the chalk bucket in frustration and anger.

No, here at RFM, we are nothing if not unique. And we have some originals here who defy the stereotypes.

They include:

Stiff Necked Fools - You know who you are. We have trouble doing power cleans because our wrists hurt when we bend them, our backs give out before our muscles do and squatting all the way down is just a pipe dream. Oh yes, foam rollers are not our friends.

Wait to see the Weight - Those of us who lie in wait, to see which weights our friends will use for the WOD, and then go 2 and a half pounds more, just to say we lifted more than they did. Sometimes we go 2 and a half pounds less just so we can have more reps.

Restroom Tyrants - It's 5:59 p.m. and the 6 p.m. class is waiting for us, yet you feel the need to use the bathroom seven times before you start the WOD. It's not just Lori by the way.

Music Miscreants - You ask me to do 5 rounds of deadlifts, thrusters and burpees while you play Enya. Please go to hell and take your iPhone with you.

Female Furies - This I think is found only at RFM. Lori pushes you around and mocks you for doing less weight than she does, Kehau pretends to give you friendly advice about your form and then whispers to Bumper "This is why he sucks", Carol scares the crap out of you with her Marine Corps Drill Sgt. screams and Kristi sends intimidating sonic booms whenever she stomps her feet while powerlifting. Then every once in a while they give me a foam roller so they can laugh their asses off. Very funny mofos.

The Cheerleaders - They're always yelling "good job" as they pass you by on the 400 meter run when what they really mean is "Good job falling behind. Fag." I know what you're thinking. I see it in your eyes.

See, this list is much more honest. Give me a video camera, I'll start our own video series.

By the way, shuttle runs, sit-ups and Superman's made up Tuesday's workout. No squats. That's all I have to say, which means I had a good day and won't have to crawl out of bed tomorrow.

And with that, I say peace everybody,

Rod

Some real progress

I think everyone here knows Erin's story, but I'll post it again here for my two non-RFM blog readers just in case.

Erin joined RFM earlier this year while we were still at the old gym location on Mill Street. I had hardly gotten to know her when she was gone. Turns out she fell and broke her collarbone while doing the warm up lap one evening.

Ouch. When I heard the news I thought, "Oh well, guess we'll never see her again."

Wrong. As soon as she was healed up she came back like nothing happened. Now I don't know about you but a broken collarbone is nothing to laugh at. NFL football players are out for a whole season because of broken collarbones. Erin's got some sort of mutant healing factor or something.

Anyway the reason why I'm bringing up her story now is because I saw on her Facebook page last night that she did a handstand push-up for the first time since the accident. That's huge. Big props.

(NOTE: Erin told me later that she actually did a HANDSTAND, not a handstand push-up. It's still a great accomplishment though.)

See I've been injured, and after you're injured you start to favor that injured part of your body like it's your child. You don't want it getting hurt again and there's psychological barriers sometimes even after the physical scars heal.

Like I was scared for a long time to ever bench again after tearing my pectoral. And like how I didn't body board for a whole year after smashing my face into the reef. And like how I was freaked out the first time someone went for my face during sparring after a black belt elbowed my nose and broke it so badly it was a roughly 90 degree angle from it's original position.

But I digress. Needless to say I know about the fear, and if Erin broke her collarbone then she's probably had some fear about any sort of shoulder movement. It just comes with the territory.

So kudos to her and everyone else that works through their fear. It's not like how I bitch about sore muscles, a stiff back or exhausted legs. The fear is a more serious problem, at least I think it is. Like I don't ever know if I'll even want to try 275 ever again, which was the weight that I tore my pec with so long ago.

But maybe I will. Because before RFM I never even thought that I would bench again. It's funny, Bump was one of the fastest guys in high school but his mantra now is for all of his gym members to go slow and steady, which is fine by me. It's a good way to avoid injury. And the FEAR.

On another note. Anyone need a 10:30 a.m. slot for the Warrior Dash? My friend Eric paid for a spot but realized too late that the race was going to happen AFTER he left Hawaii. (See what happens when you don't check with your wife about the reservations?)

So rather than let his 50 bucks go to waste does anyone want to have the slot and pay him? I'll make the necessary arrangements, contact administrators, etc. I guess we can just get a refund but it seems like more and more RFMer's are signing up for the run every week so I thought I'd check.

Let me know.

Oh yeah, the WOD. Ten kettlebell swings, 10 lunges with weight and 10 box jumps. Thank you Kats for suggesting the 44 pound kettlebell. Five rounds and I was done.

Peace out homies.

Rod