When the Lunatics Run the Asylum

FYI, just in case you didn't know, RFM owners Robert and Kristi are off-island. Bump needs some surgery because he tweaked his arm somehow. I knew that but I forgot.

Which is probably why when I walked into the noon workout today I was kinda confused.

No Kristi, no Bump. Just me, Al, Bruce, Garrett, Shauna and Dom. 

At first I thought Kristi was just late, but then I realized, how did we get the gym open then?

It wasn't until I changed my clothes and had my shoes on that it dawned on me.

We were unsupervised.

What's the big deal right? It's not like we're all kids that were going to break the equipment or burn down the gym. Hell, Bruce, Al and Garrett are all older than me and I'm 40.

But . . . I sensed troubling vibes from the beginning. Just the mixture of Bruce and Al and no one to hold them back or talk some sense into them filled me with dread. I kept on hearing them both say things like:

"Yeah we go try that . . ."

"For real? Ok, shoots."

"Ho brah and den what, after that we still going do the WOD?"

"Nah, can. I did 'em this morning already."

It got to the point where I just had to come out and ask:

"Are we doing two WOD's today?"

Yup.

Just so you know, this was not part of the regular workout. Our coaches had programmed deadlift for our strength workout and then three rounds of a 400 meter run, 10 burpees and as many double-unders as you can do in the time remaining. We had three minutes to do all that and then rest for two minutes.

Sounds like a tough workout already right? Well Al figured that since we're doing deadlifts already let's just do a deadlift WOD. Specifically 21, 15, and 9 reps of 225 pound deadlifts and handstand push-ups.

After that we would do the regular WOD. 

I said no way but Bruce said, "Nah, we go just sample."

"Ok. But I'm not deadlifting 225."

"Yes you are."

"Ok, I am."

What can I say, Bruce has this odd Jedi Mind Trick power without being trained in the ways of the Force. He tells you to lift a weight and you do because you feel shame that you're only lifting a third of what he just did.

I was still worried though. I mean, this had the makings of a bad Tarrantino movie with a bloodbath ending. Look at the key players:

Al - Mr. Fire Department Mini Spartan who works out at home AND THEN comes to the gym. In the same day.

Bruce the Moose - The man who lifts more than anyone else in the gym and then yells at you to "smell victory" in order to motivate you during your lifts. 

Garrett - A fine member of our Maui Police Department who is real strong and who I have never seen back down from any workout yet.

Shauna - She's just off. She's skinny as a Southeast Asian refugee and still thinks she has to do Crossfit, run to Iao and come home and do P90X or Insanity too. 

Dom - Small filipino guy who just joined the gym but puts up numbers like he's been doing it for years.

Then there was me, Mr. I Hate Cardio, who just told everyone that he was looking for more material for his blog because it was getting boring.

Well shit, here you go Mr. Antone, better blogging material for you on a silver platter. We've got drama, pain and suffering all before you have lunch. 

So like a bunch of dumbasses we all just followed Al and set up our deadlift bars and picked our handstand push-up spots. 

Me and Garrett were the last to finish. I wish I could tell you my time but AL COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SET UP THE DIGITAL CLOCK. Thanks buddy. 

Not that it mattered. We were smoked, especially me and Garrett. He was sitting down outside trying to breathe and I was lying down on the floor because my back felt like Bruce Lee had given it the six inch punch. 

We rested for a little bit in front of the fans then we got ready to run our first 400 meters. During the run I thought, "Ok, this isn't so bad."

Then I got back and dropped down for my first burpee and my arms were like, "WTF is wrong with you?"

I managed to finish my 10 burpees and got in NO double-unders. I tried, I swear.

Same thing happened in the second round, but then the third round I got mad.

I was like, for real? We're doing back to back WOD's? Eff this crap. 

I took off my shirt and I don't know what was going through my mind but I was determined to run with Al.

Stupid right? Well I was following Mr. Spartan all the way up and all the way back. I pulled the old Days of Thunder trick and drafted right in back of him.

I got a good head start on my burpees but then my friggen double unders was not there at all. I did one.

So you know what my final score was today? One. One double-under.

Anyway, that was the story of our noon class today. Thank you God for the material.

And to Bump and Kristi, come back soon. Please. Because Al and Bruce are trying to kill us.

Later gang,

Rod